The Art Of Forgiveness
by Jillessa Heronstairs
Summary: When you grew up having no one, the act of leaving comes naturally to you. Even when you have a girlfriend that would do anything for you. But although Khoi was smart, he just couldn't understand why leaving as wrong. Why give all of your trust to someone who can take all of your happiness away in a second? Yes, he had much to learn. An OC story.


**Okay, fine. This is another OC story from my rp. BECAUSE I SO CAN.**

 **First, let me tell you that I wrote this story in about five hours. On a computer. In the dark. SOOO. There will probably be many mistakes that I didn't catch. I apologize for that.**

 **And also, sorry for making Khoi out to be a complete heartless cheater with a twisted mind and Emily a spineless girl who forgives him every time.**

 **Also, I meant to make this story longer but I gave up. So there will probably be other stories on Khoi... probably. But for now, enjoy this one. Or dont. But I hope you do.**

 **AND JUST REMEMBER THAT KHOI IS NOT AS BAD AS HE SEEMS. Or maybe he really is. You can decide.**

* * *

 **The Art Of Forgiveness**

 _ **~Forgive Me, Your Majesty, For I Have Sinned~**_

"I'm sorry," Khoi mumbled, his words loud enough to be heard, but soft enough to have real meaning. The look in his eyes added to the scene, a look of helplessness and utter despair reflected in his irises. Hands locked in front of him, Emily didn't think she had ever seen him this apologetic. Then again, he had never done anything quite this bad.

"You apologize now?" she exclaimed, her face flushed and her pose tense. She stared at the boy sitting on his bed as if her glare would somehow turn him into stone, forever locked in the deep fortress of his own mind. "How long, Khoi? Exactly how long?"

"Two weeks. But please, you have to understand-"

"Understand what? That you cheated on me? Why? So I should forgive you and get back together with you? You know you don't deserve it." Her rant died down, and she sunk into the chair at his desk, thoroughly confused and exhausted. "I just don't get it. You are so perfect."

"Not that perfect. Ems-"

"Don't you 'Ems' me," she scowled, and raised her eyes to meet his. "We've only been dating for two months. Am I really not enough for you already?"

"You're enough for me. I see that now. Please, Emily. Forgive me. Please."

* * *

To Emily, she wasn't angry because she had caught him sleeping with a girl he met up with occasionally at the club. She had to admit, she was a very attractive and nice young lady, a girl that she sometimes conversed with on the normalest of terms, and he was a rather attractive young man, collecting the attention of many of the other teenagers in the area.

No, it was because when admitted to his wrongdoings, he did it in such a way that he made it impossible for her to stay angry.

"I was crazy," he sighed, his hands now locked together in front of him, clasped as his eyes bore into hers and begged for her to give in to his apology. "And stupid. I wasn't thinking. I look back and I see how horrible of a person I was, how much I've hurt you."

"Khoi… What were you thinking when you were sleeping with her?"

"That it was a way to get away from all my complications. My parents, my life here. Most of the times I went out were after our arguments. And she would comfort me, tell me that everything was alright."

"That really doesn't give you a right to sleep with her," Emily pointed out, giving in slightly as she moved from his chair to take a seat next to him. "Can I ever trust you again?'

"Of course. I can't stand to hurt you," he whispered, slipping an arm around her waist, pulling her gently to his side. He smelled of the body wash he always wore. "I would do anything for you. You know that, right?"

"I know. I forgive you."

* * *

 _ **~My Past Is Who I Am, My Most Treasured Possession~**_

Khoi hadn't grown up being very attached to anything.

People, he learned from a young age, acted almost as if they were disposable. They came and they left as they pleased, and no one told them otherwise. He certainly couldn't, and he was bright enough to know that if he did, hell would ensue, leaving him with a whole lot of problems and arguments he would rather not deal with.

His mom was one of those people. As was his dad, and many of the parental figures he grew up with. A plain and simple habit, they called it, and they would often disappear for days on end, leaving him alone with the more mundane members of the Institute.

Lying in his bed, his fight with Emily resolved, and his mind cleared of the burden that he carried, he closed his eyes. Knowing he wouldn't ever sleep with the girl from the club was a breath of fresh air. It wasn't that she was necessarily bad in bed, but he did always have that pang of guilt, that little bit of conscience that told him what he was doing was wrong.

He scolded himself for not listening to it, and getting carried away in the moment, but in the back of his mind, he knew that there was nothing that could have stopped him from doing what he had done.

* * *

"Where are you going?" A little boy, less than four feet in height, asked, pulling at the skirts of his mother's dress. His mother always dressed too prettily for going to the store. And it wasn't supposed to take three days to go to the store, only to arrive back empty handed with nothing but the foul smell of liquor on the breath.

The answer he received was nothing short of what he had expected. "I'm going to the mall. The big one on the city, darling. Now, mind yourself while Mommy is gone, and there might be a surprise for you when I return."

She reached down, ruffling his hair and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Daddy will be home soon," she promised, though if he was older, he might have read the expression in her eyes. "I promise."

Promises, he learned, were meant to be broken. Days would go by without a word from either. He knew the drill. One day, he would wake up in the morning, and they would be standing above him in his bed, looking down with nothing but love and care, and maybe a toy for him.

"I'll be back soon," she smiled, and in a moment, all traces of her existence were gone, save for the faint smear of lipstick on his cheek.

Now, he was left alone in the enormous Institute with no one but the cook and housekeeper, and he began to wonder. The questions grew louder in his mind, but alas, it was a five year old's worst nightmare.

He simply had no one to ask.

* * *

 _ **~Why Think When I Can Do, And Win As Well?~**_

There wasn't any doubt about it. Khoi knew it was wrong, and he knew that he would pay. He was a smart young man, but in some ways, there was much he could learn.

"I have to admit something to you," he told Emily one night, over a nice dinner at one of the more elegant restaurants in the downtown of the city. Chinese food, he knew, was her favorite. "And you're probably not going to like it."

The shock that registered in her mind was as clear as daylight to him, sitting across from her. In mere seconds, he had gone from thinking that letting her know about his night of escapades was a good idea, to regretting the entire thing. Red wine stained, but not as much as her walking out on him.

He only could suppose that it was his doing. Telling women bad news, though in his mind, it mattered no more than if he had gotten a bad fortune in his fortune cookie, was not a good idea. For a split second, he realized that he wasn't sure why she was so upset, but in the next, he was utterly confused on why she had run away.

Some things just didn't click right in his brain, and he quickly paid for the bill, then ran after her, only to lose her in the crowd of people in the streets.

Perhaps he wasn't as smart as he thought he was.

* * *

Most people would have thought that considering the number of times he cheated, he simply didn't care about his girlfriend. Forget the fact that they were supposed to be exclusive, but in general, he was made out to be a cold hearted asshole who had no feelings for the girl he dated.

It was far from true. The bottle of pills on her desk worried him. The way that she would often lock herself in her room, allowing no one in for days also worried him. He wasn't a horrible boyfriend, and he simply made mistakes. Many of them.

Still, there was a bit of truth when he would tell others that she was extremely special, not in the way that he saw her as absolutely gorgeous, but in the way she trusted him, and loved him even when he was at his worst.

The forgiveness she had for him was something he admired, and he knew that even he wouldn't be as easy on himself as she was.

Still, as he sat outside her room and heard the muffled sobs, he didn't have that moment of realization, that sudden stop in time where he would realize; "Oh yeah, perhaps I should stop sleeping around with other people."

He simply wanted her to forgive him.

* * *

 _ **~When We Define Ourselves, We Pave Our Lives~**_

At the age of nine, Khoi's closest friend had become the housekeeper, an elderly woman who took sort of adopted him when his parents were away. A former Shadowhunter herself, she had had to stop hunting when she was diagnosed with lung disease that no tonic or iratz could fix. Instead, she took to helping out around the Institute.

"Where are my parents?" he asked one day, looking up at the wrinkled old lady, and though he was young, he was old enough to see the hesitation. He heard it in her voice.

Safe to say, he hated it.

"They're very busy, important people," his friend replied, and he knew it wasn't the truth. "They go to meetings and do important things for us around here."

"Where are they right now?" he pressed, his brain yearning for information that the housekeeper simply didn't have. "Are they in Idris? Why don't they take me with them? Why don't they ever stay here and train me to become a great Shadowhunter?"

"They're very important people," she replied, putting a finger over her lips when he tried to protest. "You can't ask anymore questions now. If you would like, I'd be happy to help you learn some skills."

In all of his life, Khoi had never felt a spark of hope like he did then.

* * *

Paradise can't last forever, and within two months from the start of his training, his only friend fell ill, and passed away in another week or so. Desolation never felt good, and the only upside to the traumatic event was that his parents came back home for a couple weeks, deciding that the Institute was much too large for only a cook to be running.

So, instead of them becoming good parents, and staying with their only child, they hired a tutor, and were off to fulfill their own lives with whatever they did,while they left their son behind, locked behind the Institute doors.

Khoi became instantly attached to his tutor, in a way that before had been saved for only the housekeeper. His tutor, on the other hand, was flighty and more involved with his own personal problems than to pay attention to the child that he was hired to teach.

Within weeks, he fled back to his home Institute, under the cover that he was going to propose to his long term girlfriend, who had found out that she was pregnant with his child.

Khoi knew that in all of his life, he hadn't really had anything. Most of his days were filled with aimless wandering around, getting into trouble but having no one to punish him.

In fact, he often wished he had someone there, just so he wouldn't be alone.

He would never forgive himself for letting it go on for so long.

* * *

 _ **~I Really Don't Know, Won't You Just Tell Me?~**_

The thing about all the cheating was that Khoi never really even knew why Emily would get so annoyed, even depressed and angry. He didn't understand why she would lock herself up, avoiding anyone and everyone. Maybe arguments simply activated PMS?

He didn't really mind the steps he had to go through every time to win her back, however, his reasoning was still flawed. She would forgive him every time, correct? Why not spare the pain and suffering and let him go about as he wanted to?

It was what his parents did, and now, many years later, he saw little wrong with what they did. It had made him more independent, hadn't it? Of course, a child would never have seen the benefit of not having parents around all the time.

When he cheated a third time, this time with a different girl who was a habitant of the Institute, who moved out shortly to travel after it was revealed that she had slept with him a couple times. Emily hadn't ever really been close with her anyway, and many feared that a rivalry might be started over a boy, she fled to Europe.

Taking Khoi by the arm, Emily took up enough courage to let him know that something was up.

"If you don't stop this, we are through forever. Do you understand?"

* * *

"I don't see why you're always so angry," he complained, slipping an arm around her waist like he always did when they were debating some touchy subject. "I'm sorry. Okay? I know that is hurts you. I know that I shouldn't do it."

"Then why do you?" Emily replied, eyes narrowed. "Do you intend just to hurt me?"

"Of course not. I do things without thinking," he tried to explain. "I don't know why I do… It just seems to… Happen. Emily, you're almost everything I could ever want. You're funny, nice, extremely sexy, and beautiful all around."

"So the only thing I don't give you is the thing you go to the others for?"

He knew what she was talking about, her mental mention of lack of consent to sex ringing in his ears. "I don't know… I suppose so."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" she asked, pulling her shirt over her head with an obvious lack of modesty. "Doesn't that mean if I sleep with you, you won't cheat on me?"

"I don't think it works that way," he sighed, running his hand through his messy hair, pushing it back off of his forehead as he blatantly stared at her. "Emily… I don't want you to do anything you don't want to for me."

"Well then, you'd better leave the room, haven't you," she smiled, opening the door for him.

And because she was half dressed, he walked out in complete shock, thinking that maybe they might be okay.

* * *

 _ **~Believe Me, You, I Can Do It~**_

At thirteen he had gotten his first runes. They burned more than anything else he could have ever imagined, and yet he tolerated it without the help of anyone else.

Only because he had no one else.

But now he could rune himself, hold seraph blades, and use any weapon he pleased. So he was happy about that. And without a tutor, he was free to do anything he liked. In fact, he was so alone that many days, he would be the only one in the Institute, and he became accustomed the the emptiness. He hadn't seen his parents in months, and by now, he took their absence as a sign that everything was alright.

Many times, Clave officials had come by, asking him if he wished to be transported to a different Institute, where he would have a better chance of learning to be a successful Shadowhunter.

He always declined, often shutting the door in their faces or asking them to leave when they became too pushy.

He loved to be alone.

And to be alone meant to do everything by himself.

* * *

"I asked to be moved to a very quiet Institute," the girl at the door said, and he held it open, waiting for her to come inside. "I didn't know that they had Institutes that housed only one person."

"I suppose I'm special," he smiled, and took her bags from her. She was about his age, really too young to be traveling alone, but he had heard that she was extremely talented.

And she was, but he barely noticed. She was only thirteen as well, an orphan from birth, but she had been a natural and permitted to travel early.

"That's not how you throw it," she chided, reaching over and taking the knife he was holding from his hands. "Here, watch me."

The knife sunk into the middle of the target, as he watched in awe.

"I like you," he said, though he didn't mean it in the way that she took it. Maybe girls just grew up taking things the wrong way earlier.

Years later, he regretted that he didn't kiss her back. That he had been so surprised, that he pushed her away.

She, on the other hand, had been so embarrassed that she left, traveling to another Institute.

Once again, another person had left, and he was alone.

* * *

 ** _~If I Can't Trust You, What Do I Have?~_**

"I'm not even going to get into a fight with you again," Emily said, closing her eyes slightly and looking off to the side. "I just can't believe… Okay. Whatever. You know what? You can just go now, okay?"

He looked at her with a regretful expression, just like he did every time, but this time, he knew, wouldn't change anything. He considered himself too far gone.

"I'll say I'm sorry," he said finally, his voice finding itself. "But I know you won't believe me."

"I believed you the first time. And the second. and even the third. But this time, Khoi Juannes, I can't. Do you have any sense?"

He didn't answer her question, but simply walked out of her room in disappointment, though he knew there was nothing to have expected in the first place. Over time, he figured that she would forgive him. It usually took a couple days, a week at max.

To be honest, he didn't know why he even stuck around, wanted to be with her even though she got so angry when he screwed up. And he screwed up a lot.

But after all this time, eight months at least, she had stuck with him, and he wasn't about to give that up.

* * *

The event was grand, and he convinced her friend to get her to dress up, thinking that they were going to some elegant dinner party or something, and the ploy worked. He showed up at her door at six with a bouquet of red roses, her favorite, dressed in a tux.

"I thought I might join you for your night," he said under his breath, his hair gelled up in just the way that he knew she liked. "If you allow me."

"Why would I do that?" she said, slightly in disbelief. "And where are we going?"

"The nicest Chinese restaurant in the city," he grinned, reaching over and slipping an arm around her waist, against the back of her red evening gown. "Are you up for it?"

"I… But… We're not…" she started, trailing off after a moment. "Why are you doing this?"

"I like you still," he frowned. "And I get if you don't like me, but I thought I owed you an apology. Here, let me take you out. No strings attached. I'll bring you home the minute you say that you want to leave. Come on. Its Chinese food."

'I… Fine," she sighed, following him out. "I'll come with you. Otherwise you'll be lonely."

He grinned, taking her hand, and he knew that by the end of the night, she would be his again.

It was that simple.

* * *

 ** _~Forget Me, I'm Not Worth It~_**

"I do want to travel now," Khoi told the Clave official, spinning a knife between his fingers as he held the phone to his ear. "I think I'm ready."

"Where would you like to go?" the official asked, his voice monotone and stripped of any emotion.

"London," he answered, listing the city with one of the best Downworld Towns, or so he had heard. "I've always wanted to go to Europe."

"I'll place that request in for you," the official said, bored, "And you should be good to go in a week, maybe less."

"Thanks," he muttered, and hung up the phone, then started to collect his things, packing for the trip he might never return from. Vietnam had never been his home. It hadn't been anyone's home. He had lived there for his whole life but in reality, he couldn't call it home, for it held no memories.

He was excited to leave and start a new path, where he would be the one making the calls and taking the shots.

He could finally be his own person.

* * *

London was pretty, and the bars and clubs and girls inside were even prettier.

"Hey, beautiful," he laughed, dragging a hand across the thigh of the girl who was walking around in minimal clothing, serving drinks. "I'm new around here. What, or who, do you recommend?"

He was lucky he had his looks, the kind of sexy Asian that made girls stop and stare and wonder exactly what type of Asian he was.

For all he knew, his looks got him laid. It was easy too, with his Shadowhunting abilities, to sneak out of the middle of the night. His usual escapes were through windows, and he would turn around, watching his most recent conquer roll over, find him missing, and look around, only to find an empty room.

He considered himself too fast for them.

For once in his life, he was doing the leaving. He couldn't be hurt is there was never any personal attachment, or reason for him to want back. Perhaps he simply tired of people easily, enabling him to feel nothing when leaving them behind,

In fact, he enjoyed it.

* * *

 ** _~One Last Time, I Promise You~_**

"I thought this time was going to be different," Emily sobbed, surprised and not surprised at the same time. It had been so perfect, that she had convinced herself that maybe, just maybe, he had changed.

"It was different," Khoi defended, taking her hand in his. She immediately yanked it away from him, enjoying the look on his face when she did so. "Look. I know. You don't have to lecture me again."

"You've never slept with me once," she exclaimed. "Yet you've been with at least five other girls while we've been together? What do you have to say for that?"

"You're the only one I care to keep around," he replied, hanging his head in shame. "And look… I've been so stupid. I know I say this every time, and that I always make the same mistakes. But I'm trying. Can't you see that?"

"No, not really," she answered honestly. "Why do you keep coming back for me everytime i want nothing to do with you?"

"Because," he sighed, taking his hands in hers, and saying the most honest thing he might have said in his entire life, "You haven't given up on me. You haven't left, like everyone else would have. Like everyone else has."

And he was so convincing, that she reached up, slipping her hand around the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair, and kissed him like she had never before.

* * *

"You're leaving?" he said in disbelief, his eyes wide as he processed the information. "But I… We… What have I done to make you leave?"

"Nothing!" she promised him, taking his hand and holding it to her lips. "It's just… Moving to New York has always been my dream. And now, it can actually come true. I don't feel like I should pass up the chance. I wish you could come with me… But then they would be short here."

He rested his hand against the small of her back, letting out a sigh. He knew what he would have to do. "You're right," he smiled, a little too brightly to be genuine. He cared. He really did.. "And I wish you the best of luck over there."

"Thanks, Khoi," she replied, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll always remember you over there… For better days and for worse, If you know what I mean."

She left within a month, and suddenly, everything he had worked for in the past year, and more importantly, the past three months, was gone. Alone again, he realized that he had to let her go, for the sake of both her and him, but still, it hurt him to know that she was all the way on the other side of the world.

But still there, in his heart, he knew that she had taken a lot of him with her when she left, and someday, he would find her and make things right, they way he felt they should be.

Because quite literally, she both hadn't, and had, left him.

* * *

 ** _~I'm Khoi, You're Emily, Let's Make Out~_**

At the age of nineteen, Khoi ended up at the Hong Kong Institute, where they were in need of more Shadowhuters. He had traveled across the world, and was fairly happy to be close to the place that one might have called his home.

Life there was just as boring as any other, until the new girl walked in, her dark brown hair with caramel highlights reaching almost her waist, and her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Emily Rosette. But you can call me Ems," she introduced herself as, shaking his hand with energy. He liked the feel of her hand, the way it fit into hers. He even liked the way she talked, with her incessant words and confusing phrases. It was unique to her.

Still, he warned himself not to get attached. Angel knew how she could hurt him if she did, and he wasn't prepared to take a chance.

"Khoi, Khoi Juannes," he replied, giving her his prizewinning smile, that was guaranteed to win at least a little smile back. It never failed, and he was rewarded with a shy smile from the girl's hand he was shaking. Followed by a blush, causing the realization that he had been shaking her hand for nearly fifteen seconds, and she was staring at him awkwardly.

"Sorry…" he apologized, yanking his hand away, and running it through his hair, a nervous habit of his.

"It's alright," she laughed, and it was her turn to give him a prizewinning smile. And when he automatically returned her smile with his own shy one, he knew that it would not be easy.

* * *

He could say that he loved everything about her. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, they way she smiled and laughed and talked. He could also say that he could never get her off of his mind.

Too attached, he told himself, but he simply couldn't help it. She was someone worth living for, and he enjoyed every second of it.

Never had he felt this way before, and it frightened him. For if she left, she would take all that he loved away. It was too painful to even think about.

So instead of letting her possibly leave him, he forced himself to leave her instead, to get with other people in hopes that his attraction to Emily would somewhat fade away, or make it more tolerable.

It never worked. As much as he tried, all five times, it never worked.

Finally, enough had been enough, and he gave in to his true feelings, and the world had never seemed clearer. Love had never seemed brighter.

Then, when she left, his world had come crashing down, worse than he ever imagined, and the worst part was, she had never known how he really, truly felt about her. But perhaps, someday, she would. Maybe someday, she would understand.

Yes, he loved her ability to forgive.

 ** _~I Bring You Me, Is That Not Enough?~_**

* * *

 **The ending got really weird. I never meant for him to actually like her that much, but as two of my readers will know, he followed her halfway across the world. This story probably wasn't the best representation of his character.  
**

 **Ah well. I hope you didn't hate it. :)**

 **Also, read Lost At Sea for Emily's side of the story.**

 **~Jillessa Heronstairs~**


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